It’s really hard to be in a relationship as good as mine.  And yes of course I sound pompous, but isn’t it also true?

I have had years. . . shit, I’ve had decades of practice navigating so-so relationships.  It was easy to know we could be breaking up but we didn’t want to.  The point being, we could.  And I guess I never knew how it was to be in a relationship that I believed in so greatly.  I don’t want out, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have times where a break, a time out, a truce calling is needed.  The difference is, these are moments I still need to learn how to navigate.

See, in the past, an  argument that ended the night with a very strong,  ‘I am done talking to you tonight’ would have been interpreted as, ‘I am not willing to put in the time and effort it will take in order to determine what is going on with you, in the hope to keep our relationship proceeding smoothly, so let’s go to bed and hope instead that you have returned to normal by morning and that we can then have sex’.

Scary, but this is something I can handle.  I know how to return to ‘normal’ by morning:  act dazed, non-affected, and show that I can let things roll off my back.  (I am an amazing actress, yet to be nominated for a known award).  And the thing is, men have always fallen for it.  I mean they have always accepted that the easiest way out of an emotional situation must be the best. (I could go into instant gratification here, but I will resist).

Enter my newish, healthy dating relationship.  Enter Jason.  Enter the love of my life and the man I will be with forever.  (As he says, we are like ducks: we mate for life.  And yes, we have both since learned that the female ducks have been known to get around, which I personally think makes my history so much easier to understand).  But anyways, We mate for life;  We are willing to do whatever it takes to be in this relationship.  And with that comes a drastic reinterpretation of  ‘I am done talking to you tonight’.

Instead I hear this: ‘I know that continuing this conversation in a heightened emotional state can only lead to insults and injury and misunderstanding, and I want us to sleep on it so we can come at it tomorrow fresh–with our own emotions known, accepted, and understood, leading us not only to comfortably share what we are feeling, but also enabling us to understand that what the other person is feeling is something they own, and not a personal attack against us’.

Yes, it  is still new ground for me, even after 2 years.  But I couldn’t ask for better:  someone who gets that a time-out is clutch in order to resolve the really simple problem at hand, which, at times, can be heightened due to emotions.  And that doesn’t discount our emotions at all, it just makes it so that the conversation is heard, understood, and respected by both parties.  And of course it then gifts you with one of the BEST parts of a great relationship.  The make-up sex.

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