Mourning is a weird phenomenon.  It is something you can not patrol, even with your own, finest team of officials in place, monitering the information passing between your heart and your brain.  In fact, the only thing that happens when you have said officials in place is that your awareness of death is heightened, and if you see that look of loss in someone eyes, it has the ability to take you down, or sometimes up, depending on your present day.  It can be a look that you see in your own eye, staring hard into a mirror.

I mourn.  It will have been 2 years on September 24th since my Brother was alive, and longer than that since I spoke with him and longer still since I saw him.  But there is something about the night he took his life that I can not escape.  A Final Connection.  An appreciation of his choice.  Not an acceptance by any stretch, but a window into his final life decision.  I lost someone to suicide and the gift for me is understanding self destruction.  And that may be the most painful state of mind I struggle to live with.

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